I Survived

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My friend, Sunday, is on Survivor this season and she is amazing. I’m not much of a television watcher, but I’ve seen every episode of Survivor so far. (By the way, the picture on the left is not from the show, unless they have a new series called Geriatric Survivor.)

 

I’ve never had to live in the jungle or build a shelter or do insane challenges, but after watching Sunday on the show each week, I’ve been looking back over my own life to see what, if anything, I’ve survived.

 

I’d like to think that I’ve survived something in my life. Something important.

Let’s see, I’ve survived a divorce. I’ve survived being a single mom. I’ve survived car crashes. I’ve survived a water slide accident (don’t ask). I’ve survived sleeping on the roof of a building…more than once. I’ve survived being the preschool lunch monitor. I’ve survived crazy relatives (you know who you are).

 

But, have I survived something really important?  Why yes, yes I have. I’ve survived on-line dating for the more “mature.” (Translate “mature” as probably too old to date.)

My friend, Julie, talked me into it. “It’s so much fun!” she said. “It’s like a man catalog,” she said. “You’ll meet so many guys,” she said. Word to the wise: Don’t listen to Julie.

After months, (okay, years) of joining various on-line dating sites, I corresponded with several prospects. But unfortunately, I didn’t meet their dating criteria:

 

No, I don’t have a lucrative retirement fund.

Yes, I have cats. (It’s amazing how many men are allergic to cats.)

 

No, I don’t want to meet Mr. Floppy (he had was a rabbit costume).

Yes, I go to church, and no, I’m not “brainwashed.”

Yes, I’m skeptical that so many men want to cuddle on a bear-skin rug in front of a fire and…talk. (Talk? Seriously guys? Newsflash–no woman believes you.)

Yes, I actually like the Vikings.

And probably the most bizarre…No, I don’t have the magic combination of being well-endowed plus the ability to drive a tractor.

But I’ve discovered that there is one thing I do have that is a hot commodity for the more mature dating crowd. I still have all my own teeth.

 

After wading through dozens of profiles of “mature” men in short-shorts and Speedos (imagine the Pillsbury Doughboy in a thong), and men with mullets, and men holding fish, and men with varying numbers of teeth, I canceled my on-line dating site subscriptions.

 

All that rejection by men with comb-over mullets was taking a toll on me. For my own sanity, I had to get out. And I survived!

 

I also learned a few things:

 

I don’t have to be with someone to be happy.

 

My self-worth does not depend on someone’s opinion of me.

 

Being alone is much better than being miserable. (Unless you are alone and miserable–but that’s a topic for another time.)

Pretty basic stuff, right? I thought I knew these things. But at every stage of life, things happen and we end up learning what we thought we knew all over again. But that’s okay. We survived.

 

Oh, and my friend Julie? She’s happily married…to someone she met on a cruise.

 

 

 

Footnote: Dating, on-line or otherwise, is not for the faint of heart, at any age. My experiences were so comical (and weird) that I decided to write a book about it. I created a cast of characters in Hook, Lies, and eDates to highlight the experience in story form. It is a fun, light, novel for women. It is also a clean novel. I wanted to call it “No Shades of Anything,” but that was too close to another title. Truthfully, I’m not very fond of the current title, but ironically, every title I came up with, even the innocuous ones, were already porn site titles. Can you believe it?

 

If you haven’t read Hook, Lies, and eDates, you can get it on Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

And it’s on sale at Amazon. I’d love to know what you think about it.